


The Furious Halfling who may not be a halfling

by ScotCoyjedii



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anger Management, BAMF Bilbo, Beauty and the Beast Elements, Blood Drinking, Blood and Gore, Female Bilbo, Female Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Fire-drakes, Sassy Bilbo, Slow Burn, Swearing, Tickle Fights, eventual love, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 19:42:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8591170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScotCoyjedii/pseuds/ScotCoyjedii
Summary: Bilba has served as the host of annoying halfwits that dare call themselves dwarves for long enough while raising the children of the baggins Family who took her in at her lowest. She enjoyed the company of hobbits because despite appearances they had a knack for pure destruction sometimes to glorious results.         Dwarves are not on the same level.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Based on chapter two of "Baby Story Ideas That Will All Hopefully Grow Up One Day and be Full Fledged Productive Stories and not Bring Shame to their Ancestors by ISeeFire". Just taking a little hour break between studying for finals week lucky for me it isn't math. I wouldn't be on here at all if it was one of those.

I used to be known as Ancalagon the Black they said I had died and shattered three mountain's with my body a clever lie made up by that cowardly upstart Thranduil damn him to the depths and back! I will violently murder him and enjoy the gore. I might even burn his stupid wantabe upstart kingdom to the ground and build my NEW drake kingdom from the ashes! My hatchlings shall feast on the corpses of man and elf for centuries muhahhahahhaaaa!!! Alas I'm stuck in this stupid weakling form as I have been trapped in it for centuries constantly changing my physical form from hobbit look to the next, basically while I've always been female in either form but elves are too stupid to tell the difference.

 

 

 

"I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure." He came to me one morning as I tended to Belladonna Took's grandchildren who loved her to no end. It always gave her a certain motherly joy that she hasn't felt often enough no humanoid creature would dare have sex with her beside's most of her hatchlings had descendants. I just enjoyed children despite everything we never abandoned our hatchlings and were often allowed to adopt other hatchlings or eggs that lost their parents we cared for them much like the humaniods do. We are surprisingly gentle and I do have a minor code of honor, unlike our elder "leader" whatever the fucking hell his name was -the wingless freak. He was dead loooonnnggg before I came along what made me different is that I was born live not hatched we were never really were certain why on occasion that happens to our kind. I turned out to be a great tactician who loved eating orcs. 

 

 

 

"You dare come to me you pathetic whelp? Fine I'm in." I said coldly he went off on his merry way for a moment he saw my green eye were slitted not unlike a typical fire-drakes was. It is presumptuous that all drakes have the same colored eyes: golden. Fools. I watched apathically as he scratched a magic blue rune on my door. The children's parent's came around soon after to pick up their kids they were well behaved around me as I taught them useful things, most of them when they go older would no doubt come to me when they needed a tutor in their homework. I did that for free just to help them out.

 

 

Later after cooking much food fit for an epic feast and having twelve glasses of her favorite wildberry wine they came. Great bloody dwarves her mouth salivated at the very taste of dwarf every dragon loved dwarf the smaller ones liked breaking their pelvises during sex we called it "death by snuggles and lots of sex" after which they were eaten. We have no tastes for half dragon hybrids unless your that fucking bitch who changes her sex on a whim Akravias (she's so sexy male or female) but dragons like me care only for two things: Territory and food.

 

 

Treasure is just a bonus. Besides after I gave Lobelia her own finest kitchen set made from dwarves she never stole my silverware again good way of nipping that in the bud. Her mother however....

 

 

Lets just say I might have scared her to death literally. MUHAHHAHHHAA! I am pure evil, but I felt bad afterwards but right now I have appearances to uphold.

 

 

 

"Stop defiling Missus Took's memory you dwarven bastard I will kill you with a paperclip and stab your idiot brother with a spoon for that grave insult!" I roared at the brown haired dwarf stealing the stupid blonds knife and coming at him with high speed aiming to maim him a bit. The blonde stopped me.

 

 

"I apologize for my idiot brother-ahhhhhh!!!!" The blonde began he shouted in pain as I bit him drawing blood I liked how he smelled like hard work and cinnamon with a sandalwood scent from his clothes I licked the oozing blood. 

 

 

"Dwarves do taste as good as I remember now get the hatchling whelp out of my sight before I really get pissed off enough to spike his drink then boil him alive!" I chuckled insanely at the thought which had the two running away from me just as I planned them too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing. wait did i put that somewhere else? i don't know.


	2. Life mottos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin arrives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed this one its a short chapter yet another short break from my sociology studies going over my notes

            My life's motto is "I'm so done with this crap" having thirteen dwarves and a blasted istari at my doorstep I stole all of Dwalin's and Gloin's money without them noticing alongside any jewels they had on them I love jewels gold and silver is just used for buying things, armor was useless to a dragon except as mirror and a sword -englorified scratching stick. The guests enjoyed their meal I reminiscenced and felt the ghost feeling of wings on my back. I missed the warm feeling of fire the wings I had to be free to do as I pleased all of it stolen away a lie made of my demise I missed my wings the most, unlike many dragons I had no chipped scales my scales repair themselves and grow back after shedding. At least they _did_ before I was cursed into the weakest form that everyone looks  _down on_ hobbits were actually quite vicious creatures I wrote down most of their history because I am fond of them.

 

 

 

 

 

                     They are dragonhearts without dragon form I love hobbit-kind they are far more reasonable caring and wonderful to be around if you need a shoulder to cry on. For that is the reason I respect the Took's and Brandybucks so much they are Dragon-friends a rare title and should the need arise I will send an army of drakes to defeat our foes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

              Now I have to put up with this dwarfking? Bah! He knows nothing of FEAR! FEAR ME! Tremble before my feet you stupid worm because that is what you are you are nothing compared to my mightie glory!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

               "Who is this insignificant insect? More precisely why do you insist on inviting such pathetic insects in my home with no manners nor half the mind to tremble in complete and utter fear?" I asked the istari.

 

 

 

 

 

               "INSIGNIFICANT! INSECT!!!!" The annoying one sputtered red faced in pure rage. He punched the wall in a effort not to strike me such strange creatures these people.

 

 

 

 

 

                    "I am Thorin oakenshield King Under the Mountain! Watch your tongue halfling." he snarled furious I was unimpressed by his face or greying black hair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

         "I believe you should watch yours or I'll feed you the flesh of your nephew." I snipped. He froze the color drained from his face he looked at me with complete horror I guess that worked now I moved in for the kill.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

             "I don't like your tongue Oakenidiot shall I rip it out? Oh I will enjoy torturing you for this grave insult you will die!!!" I roared grabbing a frying pan knocking him out with the sheer force of the blow and using gleipnir's to drag him to the trap door that led to the basement. Opening the trap door I threw him unceremoniously down as I blew fire down lighting up the room below I went down the latter I am  fortunate to haven't ever have lost my control over fire which is impressive. I can control fire beyond typical my own is beyond the typical fire that Smaug is capable of it can be of any color black burns forever green burns underwater. White heals any wound and can resurrect the dead without any ill effects. Blue and green are personal favorites of mine as blue burns hotter than normal fire does. I hopped down jewels and silvery things of wealth dotted the organized wealth I kept down here. The dwarf came to quickly I tugged him by his hair as he was shackled to the wall its likely that my strength confused him after all how could she be so strong?

 

 

 

 

 

 

             "Millennium before I would have stomped on you and went on my merry way without a care now tell me what do you want before I eat you? I think I might have lost my edge I haven't killed any elves recently or anyone for that matter. Elves are too stringy and watery unless they are older or wood elves usually those idiots ruin their taste by being vegetarians. Though Galadriel and her husband are exempt-" I ranted before Thorin spoke interrupting me.

 

 

 

 

 

            "Why do you have a tiny horde with you?" Thorin asked it sounded more like a squeak. Good he was afraid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Because I want to you overgrown moron Oakenidiot I don't need a reason to."I hissed glaring death at him.

If you would have seen the look of terror on his face one must wonder what did he see as my eyes glowed green and my pupils slit like a drakes. He saw something that he shouldn't have. It set him apart from the others whom by no means I will ever have a relationship with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Enjoy your time your time out weak upstart." I shot at him as I headed back finding a crack in  my favorite window the glass shards scattered on the floor a chair was broken.

 

 

 

 

 

"Who ever broke my things fix them now or I'll see to it that you won't see another sunrise. You won't like me truly angry because if you're unfortunate you'll be burned alive and not in a dwarven time out like your arrogant upstart king."I growled coolly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Now fix it!"I ordered them scaring them senseless enough they got to it immediately. I figure a fifteen minute time out would work for the upstart as I set my timer I usually use for food it looks like a cat and has a dial on it that you twist to a certain time and it ticks down to zero before making meowing noises. I love cats they are such lovely creatures they look down on people and kill for fun they remind me so much of my brothers before they died, I might have had something to do with Laimolan's death my youngest brother was a bastard who tried to smash many a unhatched dragon eggs so i had the elves kill him easy enough to cast a dragon groggy spell and then another  spell was cast to naturally weaken hid hide so anything normal weapon wise can pierce it. We call it 'dragon-rend' not very inventive but it works. I might have had some of his roasted flank as sweet revenge. It doesn't happen often as cannibalism is usually strictly prohibited in this case such is allowed but the rest is left to the others by others I mean those other humaniod beings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eventually the timer went off and I released the Upstart who seemed to look at me with horror and fear that I revelled in I loved it when people looked at me and trembled before me. At my peak I was known as The Greatest Calamity of ANY age Ancalagon the Black, Queen of the Greatest Kingdom of Drakes but now I was laid low by a simple curse set upon me by a sniveling accursed elf named Thranduil. I couldn't believe it then or now I was laid low by a simple curse and of all races into the body of a hobbitess? You can imagine my outrage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

              I have one of two ways to break the curse either find someone who can love me for who I am not what I am which I scoff at the very thought people should fear me! Love is a weakness I cannot afford myself because its been  millennium since I've been curse while my looks outwardly have changed this one has always been my favorite of this era, I had fun before being known as the lead singer of the Foxburne six alongside my second Belladonna B Baggins II she is married to Frerin son of Thrain son of Thror. I liked Thror he was good during sex and probably the only one brave enough to have sex with me when I visited Erebor back when he was unmarried. I was a red head without green eyes my eyes with seafoam blue back then. We parted ways on good terms he never knew as so many before him.

 

 

 

 

 

          I never told him about the twins they still are around last I heard they were training with Arwin or something damn elves. I'm going to steal the evenstone when we head their. I don't give a damn about who comes after me because of it. My plot is falling into place.              

       


	3. Contract

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They give her a contract

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing okay I finished studying its only 12ish in the morning after having my computer crawled on by a terrifying wolf spider that made me scream like a sissy. I'm allergic literally to their venom I know I was loopy for three days afterwards well loopier than normal I scared all my high school teachers that day. It was a friday.

* * *

                                                     "Did they come?" Balin asked Thorin nodded saying something in Khuzdul that translated as 'Yes, envoys from all the seven kingdoms. Plus Tokora.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Is Dain with us?" Dwalin asked eagerly, he likely didn't know I understood Khuzdul perfectly and could read and write in it I always could. Father always said "know thine enemy so ye can crush them like bugs" a motto I never really understood considering how he liked human-y foods like sweets. A sweet tooth he was quite tame compared to my eldest son Drake who ruled over the Dragon kingdom in my steed. He was the one who pitied my sorry state the most. How I missed being amongst my kin the most being able to fly with monsters like myself my greatest achievement was laying low those elves who believed because they were immortal they could smash our eggs we never harmed their children. I was one of the few drakes that do a vertical take off effortlessly (you can pretty much tell I'm not paying attention to anything about them) the black scales shone pure black my black ears with many slat like appendages like a axolotl a salamander that never loses gills and regenerates my horns are silver colored  as my claws were pure white unlike many drakes I had a unique look due to me being born. I was graced with the greatest level of magic known to our kind graced by Vana our beloved creator who gave us sentience with Eru's blessing very few knew that we were Vana's greatest creation, it is said when one of her creation's dies she weeps for thee.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"No he said this is our quest and ours alone." Thorin said as he finished his dinner a rack of barbeque ribs he enjoyed it no one left this place hungry rude or not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I expect nothing less from a dwarf such as Dain I never liked him, his father or his grandfather, I liked Fror and Thror though. Fearless. Fror had ended up becoming the life mate of Akravias self-proclaimed queen of All dragons. Narcissistic arse she is."

 

 

 

 

 

"Wait did she?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Fror has four or five cubs to her. Frar being the eldest, nice cub very polite. His dam taught him manners unlike your lot who have no respect just like durin the deathless did, if you knew what I knew about him you wouldn't revere the right bastard either. If I'm a monster then he's a ugly beast especiallywhen it came to the people he ruled over scratch that domeneered over like some sort of dictator. I saw it myself I pitied them treated like they were nothing and last to eat at the end of the day. They kept production up at the cost of their own happiness and didn't care that the lower classes were nothing more than slaves, tell me you filth of Durin's line what do you need?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

"We need you to steal the Arkenstone."

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You mean the rarest gem type that is a fifteen in the hardness scale and is known as a Dragon Heart diamond?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Well I....erm..."

 

 

 

 

 

"Hobbit's are very well versed in gemology is this surprising?" I snarked sharply.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yes. Lass." Bofur said.

 

 

 

 

 

'Well considering she may not actually be a hobbit but a cursed dragon says a lot.' Bifur said in khuzdul Bofur looked at him incredulously.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Your cousin is very smart Bifur is it?" I said softly any being with foresight and can take a orc axe to the head is far better than anyone in this room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Yes, but how-'

 

 

 

 

"I've lived longer than I look though your idiot king found that out."

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You never did tell me your true name."Gandalf said I just rolled my eyes.  He smelled of raw power that isn't something a dragon no matter how stupid should deal with

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Bloody Istari if you knew you would be begging for me to not kill you as it should always be. Now are we going through Greenwood and is that elvenwhore still ruler or did someone _finally_   kill the fucker?" I asked getting back on track as we looked at the map. 

_Definitely Thror's handwriting it even had a date on when it was written so you can see the moon runes on that date that it was made clever Thror._

 

 

 

 

"No he still lives and its Mirkwood now." Balin said taken aback by my language coarse as it was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I don't give a fuck what the fuck you lower life forms call it know that lesser beings like elves killed thousands of dragon kin unborn with no reason to do it other than they wanted to. I'll do it now give me the contract."

 

 

 

 

 

Thorin told him to do as she says flinching a bit when he said so.

 

 

 

 

I didn't bother reading over it and got a quill and some ink and signed it.

 

 

 

 

 

"But you didn't even read it!!!" Balin shouted he sounded almost pained and outraged a odd trait of him he seemed to be the calm grandfatherly one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I don't care I'm in we leave at first light. Belladonna B Baggins the second will see that this place is taken care of while I'm away after all its her right." I said walking off to pack for the long journey. 

 

 


	4. Bree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The travel wasn't too bad, if everyone here wasn't a bunch of sluts. Especially Thorin Stormcloak Oakenshield he just doesn't know when to leave me the fucking hell alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy this too much. I probably should sleep but I'm not tired

              The trip to Bree on ponies wasn't bad though it had been several centuries since I had ridden and never did I ride on anything but sleipnia in this form. I had changed my looks over the ages so now I had long blonde curly hair typical of hobbits, freckles , I was  three foot four inches tall with ample bosom I avoided corsets like a plague since being cursed in this form. With big fuzzy feet that most hobbitmen swooned over I had more encounters of the sexual kind with hobbits than I did any other race which s why I liked them completely fearless!

 

 

 

 

 

                    I only knew gandalf because I liked his fireworks that showcased both fire and destruction my two favorite things in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"So you hate Thanduil."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yes, what of it?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Same here." Thorin said. This surprised me as he rode next to me on Minty I now ranked him above a insect to the ranking just above a snail which is high praise indeed coming from me that is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"He didn't bother to help us when Smaug attacked Erebor."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Smaug? The weakling mongrel was hatched very sickly  his dam was known to be a cannibal in fact so was her mate they were banished for that act, Smaug's sister Galiona was the life mate of my brother great grandson Acorian. I'm surprised that he lived this long."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"He was just too strong none of the black arrows hit true."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"He never was of my family bloodline in fct he is one of the weakest bloodlines in drake history too much brother-sister incest or first cousin incest. Mine never allowed such to exist as all children were separated from their parents as punishment."

 

 

 

 

 

 

"So was he right?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yes, is that a problem?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"No, if anything that makes your insight even more valuable to us. You say he is weaker than most is it because of the bloodline."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Drakes can smell power but not in your typical way emotions, health of a individual, even if your related in a closer relation. This way we manage to keep our blood stronger by outbreeding to other subspecies of drake or dragons of a greater or lesser breed. Some are born live like Ancalagon the black was or hatched. Live births are uncommon amongst drake-kind it usually signifies them being exceptionally powerful individuals at least well beyond normal."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Ancalagon was capable of  taking of vertically something that is extremely uncommon."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Ah yes a personal favorite because Ancalagon was actually a female drake and females typically are larger than males in her linage. Their willpower is fire power, she had power over magical fire beyond your run of the mill red, also she was extremely agile in the air despite her large size. Her chest plates wouldn't necessarily glow when she charges her fire depending on the type she wants to use."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"What else do you know about Smaug?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"That his bloodline is watered down enough to ensure that scales that were lost don't regenerate giving him a weak spot its either that or you shoot him in the eye with a poisoned morgol arrows." I answered he seemed to listen to me or seemed to be eager.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"That's good to know that if he still lives-"

 

 

 

 

 

 

"He does unfortunately it will only lead to his line eventually becoming a genetic bottleneck we don't exactly suffer from genetic defects, and having my fathers sweet tooth isn't a defect its a personal thing.  My dad loved sweets like cakes and pies even rock candy, a trait that I never lost I love strawberry's and kiwi fruits." I mentioned I salivated at the thought of getting a taste of Yavanna's fruits of labors. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Dragons believe they are Vana's greatest creations which is why they have intelligence at all because they were given Eru's blessing of sentience unlike the great seer's that are eagles. Annoying bugs but slightly higher than the typical sea slug if only because they are vicious in combat I wonder if they taste good?" I wondered the dwarves nearby looked horrified.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Is that all you think about?" Thorin asked amused a small smile appearing on his lips.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yes. Surprisingly that and plotting against my enemies and trying to be pure evil so people that I hate leave me alone." I told him he burst out laughing as if that was funny.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You got  motto by chance?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

"'I'm so done with this crap' do you have one?" I was surprisingly interested in his motto which is unusual but I ignored it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Honor, Loyalty and a willing heart." Thorin said it was odd he seemed to be _enjoying_ my company which has never happened before especially considering dwarves **hate** Dragons.

 

 

 

 

 

"Wise words, wiser than the depth of mine. It doesn't help your nephew Fili smells like sizzling bacon today and Dwalin smells like sausages."

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Are you in a constant state of being hungry because of the curse?" the cutely shy one said Ori I believe his name was. Who I daren't snap at for fear he'll start to cry, he's too adorable to hate he's still a child I can smell it he's still going through puberty meaning he hasn't stopped growing yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"No I just constantly plot against the person I love food a old habit I picked up from my dear ole da. He died of old age in his sleep Ma followed soon after I guess she went to vana's halls of eternal hunts and free skies I hear their is feast at the end and eternal happiness unless you did something so heinous in which you are sent to be eternally punished in Tartarus." I stated merely a fact.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

        

"Ori you're just so adorable like a cute little puppy." I blurted out surprising him as he blushed by the complement.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"How unusual I hardly expected you to memorize our names so quickly."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I take it upon myself to remember those who are going to enjoy the show of me eating and or violently murdering the elvenking. After all he was the one who cursed me after my child kind of burned him a little he reeks of glamour  after that accident. My child wasn't supposed to be their I was merely trying to move my nest when he smashed the one egg in the nest with a warhammer his bitchy wife helped him moving onto my chick Leia my beautiful Leia. I managed to stop her in time by eating the she-elf I called for my mate to take the hatchlings and the children deep into Drake territory. That would be the last time I would ever see Aragon and Leia." I said grimacing I didn't even realize I was crying the memory was seared forever into  my memory. It was like a fresh wound every cut briuse I recieved in that battle was because what he did was unthinkable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"When a egg is shattered it smells like boiling blood a horrible smell to us it makes us unable to focus on anything except getting the nest moved immediately. I took the fall and I was cursed into the form of a hobbit which I had no idea even existed up until then he spared my life if only because he couldn't do anything else."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I realized many of the older dwarves were frowning and Gandalf seemed the most disturbed by this he likely figured out that dark elven magic could force the casters whims onto the chosen victim and in my case the curse isn't easily broken.

 

 

 

 

 

"Darker elven magic?"Balin suggested to Gandalf who nodded in agreement.

* * *

              Bree was fairly boring as I got some supplies I needed.

 

 

 

 

 

"You do realize that if you bothered sharing your sign language with other races you would be doing the blind and deaf community wonders." I suggested. Thorin and Balin was surprised like the thought never occurred to them.

 

 

 

 

"Think about what I suggested." I mentioned before going to take a bath I missed my scales but the skin these mortals have is just as good is doesn't shed it is supple and smooth and very easily mouserized I had some skin problems but after a few centuries certain things just work hair was easy to care for.

* * *

                           


	5. Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are leaving Bree

I woke up crying feeling terrible I brushed my hair untangling it my green eyes hazy and unfocused as I went down for breakfast with the company who were already awake, Gloin, Dwalin and Nori just found out that their money and jewels were stolen by yours truly though they had no idea who did it. I still felt terrible and a few of the members of our company noticed immediately after I came down, they must of saw the look in my eyes.

 

 

 

"Care to sing for us?" Ori asked with big puppydog eyes. I couldn't say no to him how could I?

 

"Very well."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Ask not the sun why she sets

Why she shrouds her light away

Or why she hides her glowing gaze

 

When night turns crimson gold to grey

For silent falls the guilty sun

As day to dark does turn

One simple truth she dare not speak: Her light can only blind and burn

 

 

No mercy for the guilty

Bring down their lying sun

Blood so silver black by night

Upon their faces pale white

Cruel moon, bring the end

The dawn will never rise again." I sang it had them enraptured. I have been told since I was able to sing that my voice was like molten gold rich and clear it never failed to enrapture and possibly hynotize people even while I was known as Blaze of the Foxburne 6.

 

 

 

 

They started to clap and whistle they enjoyed that even though it had to be seven thirty in the morning and somehow they still functioned its like me and elven wine it just doesn't work with me I despise elves too much to even be dumb or desperate enough to drink the crap. We would be leaving soon as I had changed into a new set of clothes with a new fur lined cloak.

 

 

 

 

 

"You look rather...ravishing milady." Thorin said I was again surprised at his behavior didn't I threaten him and attack him and chain him in the basement? Didn't I threaten to feed him the flesh of h..his o..own nephew? I didn't understand why was he acting this way? I didn't exactly find it offensive either I liked being told compliments I loved being showered with compliments because I knew how great I was even in this form trapped in it as permanently as it gets. I was all powerful I made entire armies run away from the mere sight of my visage I could shatter entire mountains with brute force should I choose to.

 

 

 

 

 

"Th...thank you." I stammered blushing such a strange sensation. I thought.

 

 

 

 

"Your welcome." Thorin said everyone saw a difference in their king. Did he have a spring in his step or is that just me? I wondered as he got breakfast as did I. We would be heading out on ponies after everyone ate breakfast.We were on the road once again lucky that someone with a better sense of direction than Thorin was leading us otherwise we would have been attacked by wargs or an orc pack, such filthy creature I hate every single orc in existence if I could burn them out of existence I would have done so a long time ago. Lucky for me I brought along a specially power sealed durandal so it can remain in the same realm without causing destruction problems. It is a immensely powerful holy sword after all who's power is rivaled by very few weapons known in existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daylights end is Dana's theme song for League of Legends.


	6. On our way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chores to be done.

                Thorin assigned me to go find herbs and spices and generally food. I told him that I'll need his idiot nephew Kili because I want to eat Fili or just bite him some more. He said that I'll have to make do with out kili. I caught a rabbit, a fox, a few dozen squirrels (seven squirrels I exaggerate), I found some herbs cilantro, basil, Marjoram, mint, oregano, parsley, Rosemary, thyme, and sage. I also found orange puffs mushrooms (orange mushrooms with green or white spots), shiitake mushrooms, blue puffs (blue mushrooms that look a lot like shiitake except in blue), silver hart (another delicious mushroom that is silver in color). I came back with all of these making several trips though I kept the fox tail for good luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                           I nearly went out again after that until Bofur stopped me.

 

 

"Are you willing to go down this path?" Balin asked Thorin.

 

 

 

 

 

"Yes, I am we learned more from her in a couple of days on drakes than anything our history books or bestiaries have on dragons."

 

 

 

 

 

 

"If you are certain about this..." Balin whispered.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had a feeling those warmly distant look he had been giving me the way after I came back to camp like I was the most important thing in the world. At least it seemed like it I didn't know how to make him stop and I doubted he would even if I discouraged him. It just would have made him even more determined to catch my eye.

 

 

 

 

 

I never wanted it to stop and maybe that's what scared me the most. I spoke once of my children I haven't spoken to anyone about it brought to a head my own misery in this form Bofur noticed the haunted look in my eyes and comforted me when I started to cry because I couldn't be their for my youngest children when it mattered the most I didn't even know if they lived alongside Miaran my former life mate, a drake can go through many but we have only one True Heart known as our Fire Tamer, their presences cools our tempers and fires within our scales heat. I never met that one many have and upon their deaths they were never quite the same like they take a piece of you when they die.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You miss your family a lot aye?" Bofur asked me when I calmed down sniffing a bit uncharacteristically of me to be this emotional.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Terribly drakes love their family and usually keep in touch with family relations and friends. That aren't dead.How can I when I am not even who I used to be I don't even look like a drake what's going to stop them from eatting me?"

 

 

 

 

 

"That is horrible to think about I can't imagine the very thought...." Dori mused looking at his brother Nori who looked a  bit broken on how to react.

    


	7. Trollshaws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trolls inccident.

        "Bleh this scorched house smells of troll, I never liked troll. The females however are geniuses compared to their male counterparts taste better too."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Why is that?" Bofur asked he instantly regretting it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Menstrual blood mostly I like eating their livers first." I said. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Ewwwww." A few of the dwarves made a face.

 

 

 

 

 

"Tastes better than any of Feanor's lot watery even more watery than usual, disgusting taste though the one did eat men and I did throw up a few of them because they tasted horrible and very unpalatable." I mentioned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I bit Fili again in front of his uncle lapping up the blood spilled by my teeth (I missed my fangs) to his great fear and discomfort Thorin looked confused if anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Can you leave Fili alone? You might catch something if you do that to random people." Thorin said uncomfortable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"What do you mean?" I asked completely lost. He sighed he took me aside and told me what he meant. I thought I was going to be sick.

 

* * *

 

                     I hate the two dwarflings they got me tied up used as a snot rag insulted me, berated me, and subject me to this inane conversation. Fire burned me while I couldn't reclaim my full glory for the curse had claimed me but the clothes I had on melted onto my flesh as I became quarter sized black drake barely adolescent sized but towering at over 18  feet. I didn't have the s shaped neck mine was based a lot like a normal neck would be four legs giant wings I kept them in one spot till daybreak and I passed out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                    "I have only heard of one dragon with those features, Ancalagon the Black the Greatest Calamity of the First age-" Balin shivered.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"ANY age thank you very much, are you afraid now?" I snapped my patience was wearing thin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Y...yes." Bofur and the other dwarves trembled.

 

 

 

 

 

"Good." I said walking over to Thorin's bratty nephews.

 

 

 

 

 

"I hate both of you when this is over I will maim you both just enough to have you screaming for your mothers." I threatened them that had them on their knees.

 

 

 

 

 

"Please just stop, its too fucking early."Thorin couldn't fathom these big words today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"And this is entirely their fault I have it in my mind to shave you both-" I snapped at the two horrified.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey now calm down!" Bofur said only to get thrown into a tree by my sheer strength in my body. I knocked the wind out of him and for the two brothers I dragged them by the hair into the forest where I gagged them  and tied them up and threw them into a pile of horse shit. Vicious and cruel. Thorin was brooding on a rock instead of napping if he was so fucking tired. I have a feeling our little friendship was going to end quickly after today. I went over and got a bath after Thorin commented that I smelled like an orc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I hate all menfolk they are useless as they are brainless I should of ate those trolls." I grumbled getting some soap and cleaning my clothes and myself in a nearby stream the water was surprisingly warm to the touch I got into my spare clothes  as I waited for them to dry. True enough Thorin's mood towards me did sour and I was tempted to steal things from the troll horde.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Not worth it it reeks of too much dead I as a rule do not keep a horde and food around in the same area it just doesn't work. You don't eat where you sleep as a rule, it will take a century to stop smelling the death besides I'm nearing the end of my lifespan."I mentioned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Wait what?" Thorin asked as Nori did a double take. 

 

 

 

 

 

"You heard me very clearly Thorin Stormcloak Oakenshield, Drake's don't live forever and this incarnation of hobbitess will likely be my last. Sad fate really most people would find that all too much for them enough to call for a celebration. I should of spent those years caring for my cubs no being cursed to a form I didn't ask for he should of just slain me and claim glory for himself but Thranduil's too much of a coward for that. Damn him damn him and all the wood elves to the depths of Tartarus." I growled coolly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"How long?" Balin asked her wide eyed a hand on my shoulder soothing to anything else I was not soothed by such an inferior species second to only elves. He sounded almost concerned.

 

 

 

 

"Another hundred maybe more or less. Why are you acting this way? Dwarves hate all drakes they want to kill us all and will drink to the genocide of children just as the elves did. Its like aborting a child who will not kill a mother in its quickening and the sick monsters party to it. We never eat children or harm children those that do are subject to a slow shredding  by a _caidenwen_ a hunting rout selected for the task." I told them their actions spoke to myself in confusing ways.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Because despite everything you didn't deserve to be cursed using forbidden elf magic while defending not only yourself but your children." Dwalin mentioned as several people in the background made a "long term deposit".

 

 

 

 

"That's the main reason we need to-" Balin began.

 

 

 

 

 

"I don't believe that Elrond will be able to break its a specific sappy way to break it and I personally think killing him would make me feel better. I don't have the stomach anymore for anything remotely related to that kind of long term love." I blanched.

 

 

 

 

 

"I am surprised you even know what that is!" Fili snapped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You vile bitch!"I was blind sighted by his boot to my jaw. I hate my life as I'm starting to feel the dragon strain on my body if I don't break this curse within a century my life will cease. I might have blacked out again I have a feeling its going to happen a lot.  

**Author's Note:**

> 17 chapters truly a monster epic.


End file.
